This was the second time, not the first time this has happened to me. I swear, I couldn't make this stuff up.

Today I went to buy something to wear to Texas next week. Buying clothes can be so humbling. Anyway, I go into the curtain and strip. I try on a few things. Just enough that I am now starting to become depressed. Just when I think I have hit a low, I cram my butt halfway into a cute pair of capris. Somehow (I think God was bored and pushed me) I trip. Forward? Lord no! That would leave me with some grace and dignity. I fall ass first right through the curtain, flat on my back into the dressing room hallway. The Capris shackling me. Do you know how hard it is to attempt to jump up and run with your pants around your ankles? SD might, but the rest of you? Do you know?!

The first time I did this I was married to shithead Mr. insensitive and went into a shabby dressing room, in an old building with an honest to goodness wood door. Either I didn't latch the door, it was old or I am way too fat, or any number of those or maybe all of them. Whichever, I get these jeans half way up, and lean back on the door to shimmy the rest of the way in and the door flies open and I fell in a heap, again, ass first onto the floor at my husbands feet. He gasped and ran out the store and left me. I managed to pick my half naked butt up and scurry like a crab back into the room where I sat for a half hour hoping anyone who witnessed it would leave the store and not one person came to ask if everything was al right. Not one! Bastards.
Not only that but as my hubby was pantomiming my performance for my family someone reminds me that this is a store loaded with security cameras.

Ducky. Just Ducky.