In the spirit of it-is-just-better-to-get-it-off-your-chest I confess to you that:
After I found out you were screwing your secretary at work, I got even. Remember that "fudge" I sent to the office christmas party? Yeah, well I made it with my frozen left over breastmilk.
I made you a steaming cup of hot cocoa once with 8 squares of exlax added to it.
It was me that put the whole bottle of nair in your conditioner.
I have ran the litter box through my dishwasher, as well as my hair brush, tooth brush and pet dishes. But not at the same time.
Remember that time we both had the flu and you got well before I did, and all you wanted was tomato soup? You did not get tomato soup. What you got was a bowl full of catsup mixed with milk to make it creamy.
I was the one who stole from your piggy bank.
I have let you drink milk a day after it expired.
I lied when I said the salami on the pizza was beef.
I once used a spatula as a fly swatter.
It wasn't just orange juice.
It was me that would drink your home made booze and refill it up with water. But K and M showed me how.
The smell from the bathroom wasn't incense.
I have taken a personal cut from grandma's Christmas money.
I have said I missed you, when I was really glad to have a day to myself.
I once spit on my bosses sandwich. I also spit in a boyfriends dinner when he got up to pee.
I sometimes let you win.
I didn't just swipe your muscle massager because I had a cramp. And you really needed a new one. Sparks would shoot from it. I damn near set the covers on fire.
It was me that went dumpster diving with grandma and got you that cool alarm clock and radio, not Aunt A, like I said.
Remember that $10 you were missing out of your purse? Yep, that was me. Remember a week later when you found $10 in your car seat? Yeah, that was me too.
Now I feel better. Anyone else?
