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Thursday, May 19, 2005
Star Wars lll Kicked Copious amounts of buttinski!
Oh! Did you guys freaking SEE THAT MOVIE?! Wow! First off I have this to say this: Yum. Holy crap I didn't know if I should drool over Obi or Anakin first. Then Anakin when he went to get out of bed and I was pleading with the star wars gods to let him be nakey butt when he stands up. And if he is, please SW gods, let him jump up all fast like. Reeeeeaaaaallly bouncy like. Leap up, please oh please, and do some long stretches and maybe a jumpin jack or two. But alas, no. I learned the gods of Star Wars are not accommodating, or not strong enough to change a scene in the movie, just for me. Stupid god's.
Let me go back from the beginning here. It was what Supe? Only but a year ago I didn't even allow Star Wars in my house? Because my sister (who didn't research a thing I learned) told me it was bad and evil. Then Supe talked to me about this movie, the whole entire thing. Who George was, what his vision was, and how this thing called Star wars changed his life when he was a young tag student and first saw it, and he caught me all the way up from beginning to the end. And because I Lurved Supe, I lurved Star wars.
And then I got star wars movies and I started to realize while watching attack of the clones, I was seriously catching the fever. I was getting lost and swept up in all this really cool stuff. I was getting so turned on by it all that when Supe and I went to Seattle to See Steve Burns we went to the Sci-fi museum. (yes they seriously have one of these in Seattle, and yes, I seriously went) It was fascinating!! Seriously fascinating. I had become an honorary geek. (small 'g', unlike Supe who is a Capitol 'G')
And so he puts up this counter on his blog counting down 120 days until SW's very last flick ever. And we have been anxiously awaiting it all until last night, when at midnight, it would play. I pre bought my tickets, and my boy and I were ready. We get there at 10 O'clock and the line went all the way around the block. We had to stand about 2 blocks over. There were really neat costumes, like a really scary Darth Vader, and a really yummy Obi who looked so much like him I almost threw him over my shoulder and took him home with me. Everyone is line was all bragging about who knew the most obscure SW facts out there. It was a gin-you-wine *ahem* light saber measuring contest, among the geek crowd.
We stood in line for two hours before getting in to the building and once inside we stood in line for another 30 mins. Once we got in the theater, to which my boy picked AWESOME seats, we waited ANOTHER half an hour. What was supposed to start at midnight didn't start until 15 after 1am.
But then it starts and is AMAZING. The story was so good (all be it a tad hokey with the whole lava planet and all. I mean, come on! If they were that close to all that lava, I wanted to see more sweat. More sweat and maybe a bare chest or two. Hell, put them both in loin clothes. Now THAT is how the lava planet should have gone. That aside though...it was a seriously good movie)
Lots of light saber butt kicking. Lots of crash em ups. And Yoda! When he scurries up that guys arm, the whole place cracked up. Then and when he walks in the door and floors the two bad guys using the force Everyone laughs. You know, Yoda himself is a total badass. And that lizard thingy Obi rides! How hot was he on his running lizard?! Who but me hoped the lizard survived his fall? Who but me had impure thoughts about how macho Obi is when he jumps on and off that thing? My goodness he is so strong and manly. He could crack coconuts with those thighs. And squeeze limes with his butt.
What? Right. Sorry Mom.
So my favorite parts were where the curtain opened all the way and the lights went down, and then pulled shut at the end and the lights went back on. All that between those, that was all my favorite. What? Oh okay! I won't take the easy way out. I loved to hate General Grievous. He was scary as hell with this cough and spooky eyes. I loved the Lizard. I loved all the light saber fighting, I loved how little bitty Padme boobs were, I loved all the clothes they wore, and I especially loved every single scene with Anakin and Obi. I loved the start because I like good guys better than bad guys, and when Anakin pouts he looks twelve, but I will take any of all that anyway.
I was disappointed that in the trailer he says RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIISE all gravely and evil like, and in the movie he says RIISE. I was all like...Wha?! That was anti climatic. And I hated when Anakin killed all the younglins. That was just mean! Made you hate him. Genius of George because I didn't think anything would make me hate him after I saw him half naked. But I did. Even so when he was frying up in the lava I wanted to give him a drink and save him. When they were carrying him in the rain all I could think was Ahhhhh that must feel better. And the whole part of making him into Vadar was really cool. He looked so yummy all dressed up. I do love a man in uniform.
I give this movie two thumbs up. It was awesome and I am sure I will be watching this again and again with my kids (After watching it first I would indeed let my 8 year old daughter watch it) when it goes to Northern lights theatre and pub probably later this summer. And when it is available to buy, I will be standing in line for it, right along with the rest of America.
George Lucas, you made a fantastic movie! Thanks for letting us play in your brain for awhile. I may have come on board late with the Star wars love, but the important thing is I DID make it on board. And George, I salute you! Posted at 11:47 am by Shalovee
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Tuesday, May 17, 2005
Oh no he di'int! Did God just give me the finger?!
Well, what a last couple of days! And man, do I feel lucky to be sitting here blogging this, instead of smeared across I-5 like a little greasy spot. You see, yesterday I got my car repoed by GMAC. Something about me missing a car payment or three. I'm not sure, I didn't pay attention. And later I get a job offer to drive cars from Salem to Portland. REPOSSED cars from Salem to Portland. To the auction place where GMAC takes their cars.
That my friends, is Irony. You look up irony in the dictionary, you will see that right there and a picture of me. That also tells me that God has a sense of humor, and very much likes to laugh at our stupid mistakes. He will make sure you get a job offer the day your car is repoed, to drive repoed cars. Hardy har har har!
And so I follow the Big Boss Guy (BBG) up as he tows a car, and I drive one. He tells me to keep up as he doesn't mess around. Ha! Let's just call this the understatement of the year why don't we. Now, the pretend speed limit here in Oregon on the freeways is 65. According to BBG, this is only a suggestion. As are stop signs, stop lights, and the little lines on the freeway making sure cars stay in their own space. Those, he totally believes, are for pusses.
As a matter of fact, here are his exact rules concerning stop lights: Green light means go. Yellow light means to go faster. Red light means to go as long as you can still remember what the color green looks like.
The BBG tells me to follow him and not get lost. Well because my sister printed out a yahoo map for me I am totally gonna try hard to not lose him, because we know what that means don't we?. A yahoo map means I am totally screwed if I lose the BBG. And so I did not lose him. I followed him in the pouring rain, in a huge mother of a vehicle I have never driven before, faster than I am sure is good for it, and I DID NOT GET LOST.
I so rock. You all want me, don't you?
Then on the way back I continually choked on the testosterone in the truck. Who would have thought two men-BBG and his assistant-(AtoBBG) could pollute the air with such man stink as those two did on the way back to Salem.
AtoBBG: Look! There is a WahWah 2759 thingy mijig! Why one day I drove one of those and darn near popped a wheelie it accelerates so fast!
BBG: OH! OH! Look at that [insert technical name for low riding, fast driving, teenie bopper bass booming red car here] I would LOVE to drive that!
Me: Dude, you wouldn't be able to fit your fat ass in that car.
BBG: I would if they crack the moon roof!
On and on went the men excitedly pointing out every big rig, tow truck, strong pulling my-thingy-is-bigger-than-your-thingy contest all the way home. When we get back I open the door and fall out of the truck gasping for air as testosterone can get really smelly when too much is excreted too quickly, and wave goodbye to the men and promise to be back the next day.
I promised to be back. (I what?!) Obviously a sign of desperation. Now, excuse me while I go pluck these chin hairs that have sprouted on me from being exposed to such high levels of testosterone in such a confined space, for such a prolonged period of time. If by Friday I have sprouted chest hair, I'm totally quitting.
Posted at 05:24 pm by Shalovee
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Saturday, May 14, 2005
Shavout-what it is and why we do it.
I have been asked by several of you in email what the heck I am. Most of you assumed I was Jewish, and wonder what the Sam hill is a Messianic believer. So I will try to lay it out here, making it brief what the festival are that we celebrate. (This is for you Aunt Lorraine!)
Being messianic means basically that you believe the whole entire bible is true from Genisis to Revelation. Jesus is/was the Jewish Messhiah sent to save the whole world. We try our best to do biblically commanded feasts and festivals and not one's laid out by man. Which is why we do what I explain here, and not christmas or easter etc.
In Leviticus 23 it talks about the 7 festivals of the Lord and it tells us to do them forever. Forever means to do it way back then, and also now, and teach our kids to do it, and they teach their kids, and so on and so on and so on....you know...FOREVER. So that is WHY we do the seven festivals. To find out some more about it, go read Leviticus 23 for your own self. There are also two more that are not commanded to do, but we do them anyway because they teach a great lesson and are hella fun, and they are Purim and Hanukkah. The bible says to enjoy them, but it isn't a holy commanded one, if that makes sense.
Now, the festivals are also called rehearsals. What are we rehearsing for you ask? The coming of the messiah of course! (To which Christians and Messianic believers believe he has come and gone, and He is named Jesus, ((Or Yeshua if you are us and speak it in Hebrew)) and we are just waiting for him to come on back again) There are four in the spring (which have been fulfilled) and three in the fall (which we are waiting to be fulfilled) It goes as such...
First is Passover. Passover was when Jesus (we call him Yeshua, because that is what he was called in Hebrew by his mother who spoke Hebrew, being a Jew and all. So when I say that, I mean Jesus. Same Guy. Same God) Jesus started his ministry on passover. He also was killed on Passover. (that was the first one to be fulfilled-the death of Jesus)
The next festival is right away and it is called the feast of unleavened bread. Jesus was buried on this festival. (that was the second one to be fulfilled)
Three days later is known as first fruits. This is when Yeshua rose from the dead. (the third to be fulfilled) and then the last spring festival is called Shavuot, also called 50 days, or feast of weeks. And this is what is also what is called in the christian church as Pentecost. This was when God gave the Holy Spirit. (In Hebrew He is called The Ruah HaKodesh) ((the last of the four spring festivals to be fulfilled.)) It was also when Yhwh (AKA God, Lord, or simply Big Guy) gave Moshe (AKA Moses-same guy) the ten commandments, or the law, or the ten words...all depends on what church you attended growing up on what those are called. It is also when we as a group of believers became engaged to Yhwh himself to which I say WOOPPIE!! I may never get that married thing right while I am on this earth (and it isn't from lack of trying!) but by gum I will get married one time and it will stick and be right!
What? Right. Festivals.
So there is also the three fall festivals we are still waiting for to be fulfilled. The first is Yom Teruah (also called by the Jewish community Rosh HaShana-the new year. This is also when they start back from the beginning of the Torah to read all over again in a year) This is the only festival of the seven where you do not know the hour on the day on which it starts. It starts when the head honcho priest guy sees the first sliver of the new moon and he blows his Shofar (a big rams horn and it sounds just like a trumpet Go here and scroll down a little for a Shofar Wav file) and when others hear the trumpet blowing they blow theirs and on and on and on until all the land is blowing and the festival starts. So all you Christians out there....what does this sound like? This starting by a loud blasting of trumpets? This being the only one that you do not know the hour or the day on which it starts? The coming again of the messiah! Woot! This is what we are waiting for. For God to come back, clean the good from the bad and then HANG OUT WITH US. Which just happens to be the next two festivals.
After Yom Teruah (means literally in Hebrew TO SHOUT) comes Yom Kippur. This is the most serious festival. You actually fast for 24 hours and pray really hard that Yhwh will have mercy on your sorry self, because this is the one of personal redemption. When it is being fulfilled, Jesus will come on down with the blast of shofars, and then he will separate the sheep from the goats. That's what Yom Kippur is. You getting yourself straight with Yhwh, quit doing all that crap you have been doing, and get on the right track. Because one day, he will come on down and weed out the sheep and goats and then....
The final and last festival to be fulfilled and that is my personal favorite Succoth. Also called the feast of booths or tabernacles. You build a neat little Succa in your yard, eat in it, sleep in it and this lasts for 8 days. (Go here for an example of a succa, you can do it hundreds of ways, ours was much more elabrate than this, much bigger and IMNSHO-cooler)This is when Yhwh will be all married with us, and Tabernacle with us, living with us and all will be milk and honey. If you are a believer, and saved, then this is what you have been waiting for. Right? Absolutely!
Now, there are special ways which we celebrate all these festivals. Each with its own great traditions and foods. I won't go through each one as this blog entry would get really long, I will just explain them as they come along and right now we are gearing up for Shavout, which is my boys favorite festival. Here is how we are planning to do ours this year. And let me say right here, once again, how freaking brilliant my family is and how totally my congregation rocks. Our idea sometimes flow from our brains like fountains and it is magic when they do.
There are many parts of Shavout, so we are taking each part and decorating it to celebrate that part, then teaching about it, then playing a game that is related to that theme. Examples: Since Shavout was when we were betrothed to God, we will have wedding decorations all around. A chuppah, the wedding bells, the white streamers. Then we will teach the kids (and the slower adults) that this was when Moses received the 10 commandments from Mt Sinai and we got engaged to be married. Then we will play some of the more widely known games played at bridal showers. Not sure what that is yet, but maybe breaking into teams and making one person a bride out of toilet paper. We will have those little party favors that are the little bottles of bubbles, in the white container, with the doves on top that say Succoth 2005, like they have at weddings where they blow bubbles at the couple instead of throwing rice. (suggestions wanted)
Next since Shavout was when Yhwh gave the Holy Spirit and everyone was speaking in different languages, or "tongues of fire" we will have candles as decoration, and if we could find candles shaped like tongues-All the better and most amazing don't you think? We might have flames on the walls, and we will have our fans up blowing (holy spirit) and attached to the fans will be fire colored streamers. (aren't we brilliant?!) We will teach this part, then play language games. This will be the word scramble games, or Seeing how many words you can make out of the words Shavout and weeks.
Now when Moses came on down with the 10 commandments people knew they had to keep kosher and there was some question about what was okay and what wasn't. They KNEW cheese was okay, so they ate plenty of it. So it is customary to eat cheese and things filled with cheese like pasta and other such heavenly things. So we will have cow prints around, maybe a big of wheel of cheese on the tables, we will teach about this then play pin the tail on the cow. (Yes I know that is hokey and borderline lame, but can YOU think of a better cow game? If you can think of any games to fit any of these that we missed, PLEASE for the love of everything holy comment and let me know)
Now it is also tradition to decorate with lots of greenery. (it is thought when Moses came off the mountain with the laws It was beautifully plush and green, plus it symbolized a rich land, full of milk and honey, so we will have greenery all over the place.) Being Messianic is a religion full of imagery and sybolism. Isn't that sweet?
We will have a Oneg (in Hebrew literally "tiny delight" much what you would think of as a potluck. Only with the Knights it is never tiny, but heavy on the delight) and everyone will incorporate cheese in to what they bring. So it will be a night of teaching, games, prizes and because we love to do this, my sister is making a pinata that looks like a Torah scroll, and because we also are big kids and love to play games, we will play Shavout Bingo. Complete with prizes. Because one can never win too many prizes. So we will eat, play games, win prizes and teach all the history behind this festival by a brilliant mix of decorations, games, food and fun. Man this religion rocks.
Now, I hope that has cleared things up for all you on how we celebrate, why we celebrate the festivals, and what we believe. I will write about the other festival as they come, giving more in depth info then. Otherwise, no one would ever read any of this to the end. I hope you enjoyed this little Hebrew/bible lesson, as told by Shalovee.
Shalom!
Posted at 10:32 am by Shalovee
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Tuesday, May 10, 2005
When I was a little girl I was the baby in my family for 8 years. This is a position I loved and was well experienced at wringing all the goodie out of all the bennifits that come from being the baby. This coupled with the fact that I was the only redhead in the bunch got me a lot of attention which I, as you can well imagined, ate with a fork and spoon. Then my mom and dad had to go and rain on my parade. My mom was pregnant.
Bah! I was not happy. But mom had a plan and for 9 months she talked to me about this baby being mine. She told me all about being a big sister, and this baby could be all mine and I could hog her all up for myself and I wouldn't have to share with my sisters. Well, say no more!
By the time Penelope was born I was already in love with her. And it didn't hurt that she happened to be the most beautiful baby in the whole wide world. And as promised I got to hog her all up. It was me that got to feed her all her bottles, me who got to change all her diapers, me who got to push her stroller in all the stores and me who got to pretend she was my living, breathing, babydoll. And I would proudly show her off to anyone who showed the slightest bit of intrest.
And Penelope grew up. And I loved her, and I cared for her, and I took care of her, I taught her songs, and I told her secrets and I played here kitty kitty when no one else would. And then me and my baby were adults and she had children of her own. And we became friends. We became sisters. And lately the tide has turned.
My life has been kinda crappy for a little while now and she sensed this and has done big and amazing things to make sure I am okay. She has called and cheered me up. She has planned and led people in providing Tzedakkah for me. She helps me make plans and she gives me a lot of hope that this will end soon. She goes out of her way to let me lean on her, and she has taken my kids under her wing and my son especially last night said Penelope is like a yoda to her, a wise sage, and he feels that besides me, she is the closest person to him. And her husband (AKA the biker) has taken him and taught him all kinda of guy things. Things about tools, things about machines, things about providing for your family and it is his influence that has my son out mowing my yard every sunny day that comes along.
And she is kind to my Punkin' and makes her feel safe, and loved, and beautiful and protected. She mothers my boy, my punkin' and lately-me. The tables have turned. Where I once carried her, she is now carrying me. I could write forever about how special she is, and how much better her friendship has made me feel, and how I appreciate her, and love her family for who they are, and how they have helped me, and it would never be enough. She has been my very best friend lately, and without it I would have been lost.
Penelope, you are a great person and I am happy my kids love and look up to you and your husband. You have been selfless lately with me, and my kids and it has not gone unnoticed what you have done, and why you have done it. You see I have been teetering on the edge of depression and understand. You havent stood by and just watched me struggle you have called me and helped me, and at times just took things in your own hands. You have supported me, and frankly, you have been my bright spot for the past month.
And I thank you. I love you and I really, REALLY appreciate everything you have done for me and my children. You give me hope and you make me feel better. You are a good friend and just a really good person. And how blessed am I that you happen to also be my sister? I pray for you that you get all you have given back ten fold. Thanks a ton from the bottom of my heart. I love you. This world is a better place because you are in it.
 Posted at 09:28 am by Shalovee
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Monday, May 09, 2005
Today after getting an HUGE amount of juice (I think it was battery acid) injected into my shoulder, I went to Costco to fill my scripts. While sitting in the chair a little old lady turned the corner with her extra large, hefty Costco shopping cart (filled to the brim) while looking the other way and ran it into my shoulder. She didn't exactly just run it into my shoulder, she actually felt resistance and backed it up to have another go at it. I think she rammed me three times.
This caused me a bit of anxiety because she is ramming this heavy cart into my newly injected with battery acid shoulder really hard. I was polite and shoved her cart away from me while politely screeching, and I quote: "ohhhhhh oooohhhhhh oohhhh oh oh!!!". To which she politely replied, "don't push my (very unladylike word) shopping cart!" I just stumbled to the window and asked them to expedite those painkillers ASAP.
Then I sit down again and breathe in and out carefully. Right about when I Lamazed my pain under control another little old lady did the EXACT SAME THING TO ME!! This time we both let out a unlady like word. At least she was kind and ran over to help and and grabbed ahold of, and vigorously massaged my shoulder as she appologized all over herself.
I just said "ayyye ayyyye yai yaaaaaiiiiiiiieeeeeeeooooo"
So I come home, fully loaded with painkillers and I have 40 mins to get my house ship shape. With speed that amazes me, I get my house just put into order when my landlords drive up. I pass their inspection. *whew*
Now I think I will lay down for a few before I hit the next thing on my list, which is getting my car to the dealership to surrender it. After of course I go to the grocery store and then turn in two Applications I am holding. Oh yes, and paying my water bill.
Man. I hate when life sucks. I know it is only for a short time. (I hope!) and it is driven home to me why I need to get into school in the fall, and stay there earning the best grades I can. I know that if my kids feel the pinch, and see me do something about it, then it only strengthens my teaching and their belief, that college is NOT AN OPTION. It is required. Because if all you ever do is all you have ever done, than all you will ever get is all you have ever got. That quote has always inspired me. Doesn't it just bring out the fighter in you? It does me.
Now I appologize to you for yet another piss poor blog entry and I promise to you all that this will be the last lame blog entry I make for awhile. I will write something funny, or snarky, or sentimental for you next time. I promise.
Posted at 03:51 pm by Shalovee
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Wednesday, May 04, 2005
I have several things I want to write about, but right now I want to focus on Jennifer Wilbanks, better known as the run away bride. This case amazes me, and what amazes me about it is the harsh, cruel, and judgemental way people have become about it. I feel danged sorry for this poor girl. She obviously was overwhelmed, she obviously felt like she was spinning out of control, and her family members have made it danged clear she isn't the kind of girl who would do this kind of thing. So why is America so delightfully crucifying this woman? Are we that bored?
I am shocked at people's judgement over the fiance standing by her. She is lucky to be surrounded by such love and forgiveness. Who out there has ever done something stupid deserving of forgiveness and was denied it? I myself have done something pretty major on the scale of seriousness and was forgiven and loved by all who were around me. It would have destroyed me to be shunned for my mistake. I don't understand why people think this man is stupid for extending his forgiveness and love toward Jennifer. He loves her, he is a Godly man, he KNOWS her (something none of us do,) takes all that into consideration and even still feels she is worthy of forgiveness. Why is this so interesting to people and hard for them to understand? Is America so jaded they don't understand love? Or forgiveness?
I am saddened that people want their pound of flesh from her. Yes, her calling 911 was stupid, and I understand that it cost money to search for her, but I can bet all I own that she was so wrapped around the Axel she wasn't thinking clearly when she did that. She was just trying to reach out. When you become overwhelmed you will do anything to get help. I don't think she set out to piss off America, it is just that America gleefully has its collective panties in a wad. And I have had it up to here with their callous snide remarks.
I have heard every clever, and I use the term loosely, remark about her looks, her smarts, her character, her morals, and the list goes on and on. What is so damned funny, America? Why is this girl the butt of your rude jokes? Have you never had your life spinning out of control and didn't know how to slow it down so you could breath? Well if you haven't, then shut your damned pie holes. Because it is a terrible place to be. And it can happen to perfectly sane, normal people. Nice people make mistakes too. And if her family and fiance' who know her and say she is a nice person, can forgive her, who the Sam hill are you to judge her and be so mean?
I want to punch America's ass in the eye.
And don't even get me started in the media! They have been all up in her stuff, invading her privacy, and being unbelievably cruel. Makes me ashamed I am going to start college in the fall to learn to be one of them. Well, let me assure you right now, I won't be one of THEM. Them who make up and lead the witch hunt against this poor gal, or any other Innocent poor thing who makes a face dive when the news runs slow. As if they all piss holy water or something and make no mistakes. When I am done punching America, I am going to start in on them.
Asshats. This whole thing just burns me up. Knock it off America! Let the poor girl and her family heal. Get your nose out of her business and shut your higher than thou judgmental mouths. And God forbid any of you have the same kind of thing happen, because what goes around comes around and I just know the boot of karma is going to stomp some of you flat.
Think on that, will you?
Posted at 08:09 pm by Shalovee
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Sunday, May 01, 2005
Why I love Mary Kay-In Pictures. Thursday, April 28, 2005
This:
Is why on earth you should never use this:
It says, and I quote:
Get a healthy looking (THAT is what healthy looks like?!?!) glow with Neutrogena instant Bronze sunless tanner and Bronzer in one.
The sheer bronzer provides a hint of temporary, (The joke here is of course the words "hint" and "temporary") natural (LIARS!) looking color immediately upon application, and allows you to see where you've applied it to eliminate the mistakes. (*cough*bullshit*cough* What you look like is that you are in full black face when you apply it.)
The sunless tanner develops a natural-looking, (if you call rings of white in the creases of your neck fat natural) golden tan-not streaky (uh huh) not orange.(According to my thorough research which included me opening a box of 64 crayons, this is actually called Burnt Orange) Developed especially for the face, the lightweight, non greasy lotion absorbs quickly and dries in less than 5 minutes.
What they don't tell you is this "temporarily" dries permanently. And all I have to say is thank God for Mary Kay. That and the knowledge that I am further educated in the fact that red-haired, white-skinned Irish Indians have no business trying to tan. No matter the method. Posted at 03:30 pm by Shalovee
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Sunday, April 24, 2005
Passover ROCKED this year. I love the festivals, and one day I will explain them to you but today I will just talk about last nights festival, Passover. (with pictures!)
We started preparations for this weeks and weeks ago. And by "we" I mean pretty much everyone but me. I missed many of the meeting due to sickness or injury, so when I did have my chance to dig in and help out, I paid it back in spades. My Niece-in-law had a vision last year for Passover but it was to close to the festival to pull it off, so this year we did it.
When you walked up to the front door you see those blue metallic curtain hanging over the doorway. A sign said you are now leaving Egypt. There was another paper that had the bible verse about Yahweh bringing the children to and through the red sea. You open the doors and walk through the curtain to find yourself in the parted sea. Walls of blue surround you and you can see the sea life in the water.
You follow it through and you come out into the desert. Two tents are set up along with the bible verses about how each family would set up tents. Right outside the tent was a bowl holding manna and manna spread on the ground. Of course, the bible verses talking about how Yahweh provided them Manna to eat.
If you turn around you see the rock with water coming out of it and the verse about Yahweh making water where there was none from a rock.
You follow another path to the ten commandments, the first being nicked on the corners where Moshe got righteously upset and broke them.
You follow the path further up the dessert and you enter the promised land. One both sides are two pillars I painted to look like bricks and from them hung two giant bunches of grapes (made with balloons!) with the verses talking about how plentiful the land was.
I painted a mural of the Jerusalem cityscape across one whole wall and there was where we set up the tables. We had 32 people come so we made one huge rectangle so we would all face each other as a family.
The tables were set with beautiful tables clothes bought from Israel. There was one seder plate per group of two or three. We even had for my dad the original shank bone we used for our first Seder 8 years ago or so. (Very sentimental. Just don't sniff it) And one pitcher of wine (AKA grape juice) per group as well. One dish of salt water, one dish of water to wash each other hands per group of two or three. The Sabbath candles were two round stone holders with a Jerusalem cityscape all the way around it, that or the wall all the way around. See picture and see if you can figure it out. Anyway, it was gorgeous.
On other walls we hung our Tambourines with the streamers we dance with, also our finger ribbons, and two stars of David made from grape branches. We had a large banner I painted that said Welcome to Jerusalem and had four dancers dancing with tambourines.
My Father (AKA The Silver Fox) is the ....I dunno...rabbi? That isn't quite right, because we aren't Jewish and it just sounds like we are being to uppity if we say that. Congregational leader is too much to say...Teaching elder. There. That's right. Well, every year he has written the haggadah. Now first we took a Jewish one and followed it. But we are not Jewish, we are Messianic-so the next year we tweaked it. For 5 years my dad wrote and re-wrote the haggadah until he felt it was fitting for our beliefs and family. He swore up and down he would never write another one, so help him God.
And so this year he completely wrote another one. (dork!) And it was by far the most Messianic one we have ever had. And it went from our first 5 hour Seder, to this years 2.5 hour one. People got there at 3 and hung around visiting, we started our Seder a tad after 4 and by 6:45 we were done. My son and daughter were completely devastated (Because them being the oldest kids in the family helped the most with the decorating, drawing, painting, coloring, cutting and gluing then other kids did. Mostly because of their age, and also because I am their mother and if I have something to do, by gum they are going to be helping me!) In 45 mins everything was ripped down. We saved nothing besides the fountain my brother in law (AKA The Biker. AKA the 11yr old trapped in a 28 yr. old body) made (from scratch he is so brilliant!!) The tent poles and fabric that made the tents, I kept one of the blue metallic curtains which now hangs in front of my bedroom, and the ten commandments. All the rest was ripped off the walls and thrown into the garbage. My son wanted a section of the Jerusalem I painted for his bedroom wall, but it kept ripping so it just got thrown away.
I sat there not really knowing how to feel about the ten hours of HARD labor that went into decorating the day before (My kids even skipped school to help turn My Niece in laws vision into a reality) being stuffed in garbage cans and the whole place being empty and clean in 45 mins.
It was the most beautiful and incredible Passover I have ever had. Now, let me explain one other thing. Years ago my sister Anita and I were trying to come up with ideas for a play for the children to do. After all, you do the festivals (also called Rehearsals) to teach the children. So we went to a store and we sat our butts right on the floor holding a bin of frogs when an idea came upon us. The idea was so brilliant we have done this every Passover since that one 4 or 5 years ago to varying degrees.
During the Seder you say the name of each plague Yahweh sent upon Egypt. When they do that, the kids (who are dressed from head to toe in black robes) "plague" the tables. The first is blood, and my son and I do this one. He holds up a clear glass bowl, and I pour clear clean water from a glass pitcher into the bowl and as it fills, it fills blood red. (oooohhhhh ahhhhh) I would tell you the trick behind it, but then I would have to kill you. Next is frogs....and we had 9 kids, each kid had a bag that says frogs, and they run around table to table and they throw onto the people and the tables all the frogs. Then flies, and they take the fly bag and pelt the heck out of everyone with flies...for lice we use rice, for darkness we turn off all lights, for hail we use a million (it seems) small balled up pieces of white paper. This turns into a huge paper fight every year. For boils we use red stickers and the kids cover peoples faces and arms with the boils. For locust we use little tiny plastic grasshoppers. And this year they were eerie because they looked so real. We have two cow costumes that the two little ones get into and when it is their time they walk around the tables stumbling while mooing, finally they drop dead somewhere. Lastly all the kids carry a baby doll and when the first born dies the kids walk around wailing and crying for their dead babies. This has even caused one to get really into it and cry for real and it has made more than one adult cry. (I am such a mush ball I am crying as I write this!)
And as fun and as cute as that is, and it IS cute, that isn't the point. The point is to overwhelm the tables and people with just how MUCH of this there was. And for the rest of the Seder you sit with flies and lice on your tables. There are frogs in the hand-washing water and stuff is everywhere. You drink your grape juice and sift the lice through your teeth. No one removes their boils. Dead babies lay on the floor. It is incredible and amazing. And massive. We don't just toss out a frog or two, we COVER the tables in them. And flies, and lice, and hail....
The first year we wanted it to be as real as possible so we thought about using frozen flies and crickets but figured it would be just our luck freezing doesn't kill them and half way through the Seder those suckers would come to life and crawl away. That was a little to real, even for us.
So there you go. It was decorated so beautifully, we had so much fun, the lesson was good, we ate ourselves stupid, we danced, we laughed, and I even cried walking Dan and Ann through the sea into the desert, I could hardly read the signs to them because I was boo-hooing so hard.
Because I am just a mushy sap that way. I hope everyone who celebrates had a Passover even half as great as ours, because then it would have been just fantastic.
Shalom to you all!
Posted at 04:34 pm by Shalovee
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Thursday, April 21, 2005
I did it! I finally did it!
Well, I went and pierced my nose. Oh Hippy Shalovee. What does it say about me?
 Posted at 10:33 pm by Shalovee
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