Summer, the end of school, the death of my sister, my birthday, finals, my graduation, and my yearly housing inspection, all took place within three weeks of each other. This was a real bitch to live out, with all its busyness, but now summer is here and my house is clean, my grades are in (all A's and B's), and my daughter is determined to do some projects around the house. We have an area in front of our house under our front window that she wanted to turn into a flowered sitting area. I took her and her cousins to three different stores and got planters, flowers, bark mulch, two chairs and side table, and soil. We then spent the rest of the afternoon cleaning, raking, hoeing, planting, and arranging one awesome sitting area. We have two long planters boxes, and two round ones. On each side we have large bowls that burn citronella. Her cousins and her then sat out and enjoyed, for the first time in six years, our front yard. It even inspired her to bring a book out and read! That is maybe the most amazing thing.
My kids will have good ideas and I never have the money to do what they want, but I took some graduation money I got (thanks mom and Dad!) and turned it into a source of pride for my daughter. I am so proud of Punkin' for thinking up this idea, picking out the flowers she wanted, and working so hard to make it happen. She is 11yrs old and really blossoming right now, which is fantastic because a couple of months ago she was only a shell of who she is right now. Much of which I can point at my sister and say, "She did it!"
My daughter slipped into a depression and began to hate school about 2 months back, and asked to be pulled out of school and be home schooled by my sister Penelope. She didn't feel like she fit in or belonged, she felt teased, depressed, rejected, and stupid. No school should do that to any child so I pulled her out and she started PHS (Penelope's home school) right away. My sister threw herself into my daughter as if she was her number one project. She evaluated her and found her holes in learning and then spent hours every night (some times until 5 am!) on the Internet learning the best ways to teach someone these missing skills. For some reason my daughter had no reasoning or comprehension skills. She could not do the simplest deductive reasoning tasks at all, and induction? Forget about it! . When you have a hole in your learning in this area it effects so much of your life. Your self esteem, your math, your reading, science, logic, and even being confident enough to deal with strangers is affected. No wonder the girl never wanted to stay home alone for so long! She never felt like she could handle herself or problems that would arise. So we (and by "we" I mean Penelope mostly) began teaching her and giving her life skills, and immediately her math improved, as did her reading. My sister tailor made Punkin's education to fit who she is and what she needs, and after a short time my daughters dark cloud lifted and she began to have sparks in her eyes again. She had a new found spring in her step, and now comes up with ideas and we will work toward accomplishing it. This has built such confidence and security in her that she is able to enjoy doing things now that before would stress her out, such as ordering her own food, asking people directions or questions, and taking charge of her own life. She is making her own decisions now and figuring out who she is and what she likes. Punkin' was a follower, and never had her own opinion. If a friend got a new hair cut, she wanted the same one. If they got new clothes, she wanted the same one's. She judged whether or not her tastes were cool and acceptable by judging how other's responded to it. Example: We went out looking for shoes and found some she really liked. Two days later we went back with a friend of hers and when she asked Ashley if she liked those shoes Ashly said no, and Punkin' agreed with her that they were ugly and she no longer wanted them. She would ask other kids if they liked something that she liked and if people said no, she pretended she felt the same way. She could never think up a hairstyle she liked or wanted and then go get her hair done that way. It was like she was physically unable to make decisions like that.
It used to frustrate me because I am so opinionated and don't give two shits if people like who I am or not because I like who I am, and that is enough for me. The Boy is the same way so I just didn't get why Punkin' wasn't. But kids who do not learn to reason, simply cannot reason even simple things we take for granted and do automatically. She needed to be taught reasoning (deductive and inductive) and she needed to practice it. Then she needed to be encouraged to find her own person, whoever that may be, and be that person courageously and confidently. Finally, this dark cloud of depression had a name, and therefore could be understood and conquered.
What a relief! It is terrible to know your kid has something wrong with them and you don't know what. You can see they aren't who they once were, but you don't know exactly what it is or when it happened. All you know is you see your child suffering. Had it not been for my sister who is the world's best teacher, and the most patient, intuitive person I know, who quickly and accurately diagnosed my child and then found out how to fix her permanently, who knows what life would be like right now for us. I imagine it would still be depressed and hopeless feeling. That feeling sucks. I prefer this other feeling we are having right now. Feelings like confidence, ambition, goals, curiosity, and dreams.
Punkin' decided to stay with PHS next year and get completely caught up with all her school work. She is seriously delayed in a few ways, but she began to catch up so quickly with the watchful eye, and help of my sister. I am just so dang proud of my daughter, and so grateful to my sister who has magic in her fingertips when it comes to teaching kids things, and helping them understand themselves and this world around them, that I have decided I want to marry a man just like her some day. I would totally just marry her except we don't live in the south anymore and up here you Yanks frown upon that kind of thing.
I would go on and on longer about all the reasons why my sister is the most awesome sister alive, and why my daughter is the best daughter of any daughter that has ever daughtered, but there is this awesome new sitting place out front that smells all new and bark mulchy, with these pretty flowers out there begging me to join them and drink some hot coffee while enjoying their prettiness. And who am I to tell them no?
Have a great weekend people!