Yesterday during class we watched a movie called Tuesdays with Morrie  (I think that is his name) and it struck me how he was so loving and kind to all around him. He really enjoyed people and he took a genuine interest in folks. He had a great handle on how to love and be loved. He gave great advice to people about appreciating those you love, and work at relationships. It made me see where I fall short on my own relationships because there is a whole lot of taking for granted going on. I know my family loves me, and they know I love them, and even though we end every conversation with saying I love you, I do very little to cultivate closer friendships with them.

I really am going to spend time getting to know my family better. I am going to invite different members out to coffee, or over for dinners, or out to movies, and really give them my attention. Now that Claude's life is almost over I feel sadness that I didn't do this more with him. As I have gone up to visit him and we talked about shows we like, and movies we enjoy, I realized that we have a lot of the same tastes. There was so much time there wasted that I could have been enjoying life with him, but I took time for granted.

I have felt loss lately as my kids get older and older wondering if I have given them enough special time. With all of us being so busy it is easy to let days turn into weeks, which in turn becomes months, and we haven't spent enough time talking one on one, really getting to love and appreciate each other.

I adore my family, both the one I came from, and the one that came from me, and I am deciding now to make some special memories on a regular basis because The Boy will be heading off to college in three short school years, and Punkin' won't be far behind. I want them to be able to look back and not only know I loved them, but be able to give instance after instance of ways I showed them how I loved them, and cared for them, and fostered friendships with them. I will do this with all my family because as Claude and Rhema have shown me, life is unpredictable and far to short to not pay attention. I don't want to let life come to an end when I'm not looking and feel I really fucked it all up.

Which brings me to the family members I have that are very far from me in heart, and are what is called "unfinished business." These are the two members of my family that I am not close with, and I don't particularly care for because of a large falling out we had. But I feel it is time to address this and get to the forgiving thing that needs to be done. It is really all their fault of course. I am completely innocent here. I have acted like a total angel, almost perfect, if I do say so myself.

Or not.

I will look into that truth in small bite size pieces in the next few blog entries as I don't want to face my faults too quickly or my head might 'asplode. But as God is my witness, I am going to do it for family's sake, for my sake, for my children's sake, for healing's sake, and for God's sake. Because if God has anything to teach me, or show me, then I am open for all lessons. I don't need anyone else dying to get the message.

God help me get my priorities straight, and become proficient in loving and being loved by my family and friends. Please remind me when I get off task, and never let me pass up an opportunity to slow down and appreciate the great blessing you have given me-particularly my family, my friends, and my life. Amen.